They say you won’t feel a thing despite the fact that they have just stuck a life size q-tip down your throat and gagged you after mommy and daddy have specifically told you not to put things down your own throat no matter how funny the gagging sound may be. And when the last time you saw a life size q-tip it was used to gather information from way up in your brain to be used later for scientific experiments (and you know this to be true because no matter how many times the doctor and nurse say this is a flu screening your brain felt just fine before they stuck the q-tip in there and now you have the flu and your brain hurts.) Then they wrap a giant rubber band around your upper arm so tight you no longer feel your fingers and granted you think it is fun to cut the circulation to your fingers off at home with your sister’s hair bands it is not near as funny now. You are wondering if these people in the emergency room grew up without mommies and daddies who could have taught them not to play with rubber bands and q-tips. Later of course (when you are 2 years old and at home all recovered from the trauma of ER and the yucky ness of strep throat) you wonder why your mom has to buy those lousy regular size q-tips and can’t spring for the life size ones. You also wonder why some of these items were not included in the doctor’s kit you received from Nana and Papa for Christmas, it sure would have been fun to show your brother and sister what REALLY goes on at the hospital.
Once your fingers have gone completely numb the poorly raised nurse shoves a needle into your arm and starts draining you of your blood. Yes you might be okay with giving it up willingly for a face first dive off of the porch into a pile of sticks or a casual ride through the yard attached to a jump rope that your sister is pulling along behind her but this women is taking it for no good reason. You won’t have one good story to tell for this loss of blood. And apparently the nurse was also never taught not to lie because for all the boasts that “this will only hurt for a minute” it still hurts 2 hours later when your mother unknowingly picks you up by the arms to get you ready for bed and yep, sure enough the pain is still there right under mommies curled fingers!
So here you are draped in a led apron standing in the middle of a dark room being instructed to stand perfectly still. Hands raised above your head in surrender (because they told you to) Daddy holding a serious expression. And a proven liar, who is, herself not stupid enough to stay in the same room, is assuring you that you won’t feel a thing it’s just “taking your picture”. Mommy may be a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to posing you for those “candid” shots but you never found yourself in this position with the women at home that you know only lies to you about whether or not she is the reason there are no more cookies for dessert. “And besides lady,” you want to snap back, “when was the last time someone draped you with a lead apron? This isn’t too comfortable.” Although you realize if you say this much daddy will be wise to the fact that you can say a lot more than you normally do and may expect actual answers from you when foreign objects get flushed down the toilet. So you unwillingly surrender but you DO NOT smile for the camera, this is where you draw the line and before you know it it’s all over. You are back in Daddy’s arms listening to the “good news” that it is a normal case of strep throat and you will be good as new after a round of antibiotics. You wonder if it was the giant q-tip, the lack of blood flow to the fingers, the blood that would have taken you 15 scraped knees, 4 bloody noses, and 10000000s of sticker burs to come up with yourself that let them know your throat hurt. You are wishing someone had just bothered to ask you that in the first place. Non-the less you are offered a cookie for being so brave. (You don’t have the heart to tell Daddy you were literally peeing your pants every few minutes from sheer terror.) This time you get one before mommy gets a hold of them so it is a sure thing!
Bella started running a fever this afternoon about 103.3 we skipped the ER and asked our doctor to call in an antibiotic for her too. Buddy may find that to be a bit unfair!