Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Dirty Truth


I was talking to my dad awhile back and had some prime material for a great blog post. But thanks to a little thing I like to call blackmail I have sworn a vow of silence and, sadly, my dad’s reputation will remain in tact... this time! 
However, speaking of my dad, he texted me today. I was out of town on a field trip with my daughter and he was in town and needed to drop some stuff off at my house. He was asking permission to go in so he could leave the stuff inside. I cringed! My house was bad... I mean really, really dirty. I did not want anybody seeing it like that. But I gave all kinds of warnings to my dad and granted him permission. 
When I got home later today I decided to enter my house with the eyes of a visitor. Let me tell you entering it with just the nose of a visitor would have been bad enough. I had chopped up a bunch of onions yesterday and left them in a bowl uncovered in the fridge. The minute I opened that back door I was assaulted by the odor. And then I remembered the haste in which we had all left the house that morning. Getting big kids to school and little kids to sisters to be watched for the day, Jarrod off to work and me out and ready for a field trip. The house, as you can imagine was worse then I had remembered. I was mortified. Why do visitors never pop by when my house is clean? (Because I promise it really is sometimes.)
Then I started thinking about it. Why do I care? Am I so concerned with people thinking that I have it “all together” that I want them to think my house is always neat and tidy? And I came to this conclusion. Why yes! Yes I do want people to think I’ve got it all under control and my life is in perfect order all the time. That would just be really nice! 
Upon deeper inspection though I realized that as much as I want people to think this. In those moments that I am hurting or scared and desperate. I cry out to God. “Can’t somebody just know me well enough to know that I need, such and such...” I need help but I have made so sure that everything looks just right on the surface that how would anybody know? 
I was telling my sister about my dad’s impromptu visit and she said she has a friend that once told her she always keeps her house “company ready”. That would be great! And I would love for my heart to also be company ready. Warm and welcoming to all I meet. But sometimes, when I am overwhelmed or stressed out and things inside just really aren’t “presentable”, I wish I was bold enough to just throw the doors wide open and say. This is what it really looks like... come on in! Imagine what God could do with a heart like that! 
I wrote a post right here years ago about something Elyse had said. 
She had walked into the room one night and said, “Mommy, I am going to tell you the same truth I told Daddy.” 

I mentioned that I sometimes wonder which truth I show people about me. I may feel like I am, "keeping it real" because I am showing everybody the same truth about myself. But is this "truth" that I have so perfected the real me? 
Apparently 4 years later I still haven’t figured it out. But my daddy got a peak at my real house... let’s see if I can get up enough courage to show somebody a little part of my real heart! 


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