Monday, July 2, 2012

The Good, The Bad, The Waiting Game

Today was the day of the LONG awaited doctors appointments. I mentioned about a month ago going to the E.R. because we were concerned I had had a mini stroke. I had pain followed by numbness and weakness in my right arm. (I have a heart defect that puts me at risk for stroke, I am not just paranoid... okay so I am but I am paranoid with good reason... this time) A stroke was ruled out but my doctor wanted to run some tests to look into other things. We were waiting for insurance to be effective which took a month (that felt like a year). In the meantime  the pins and needles feeling in my arm turned into pain all over my body both in muscles and joints and this has all come with some heavy duty fatigue. So insurance kicked in yesterday and we hightailed it to the doctor today. I had talked myself into thinking I was just going crazy and so I expected the doctor to confirm that. She did not (see my insanity has still yet to be documented!) She did order some lab work. (6 whole tubes) to begin looking into Rheumatoid Arthritis and other Autoimmune Diseases. If those come back normal she will do an MRI to look at the possibility of Multiple Sclerosis.

My husband asked when we got done how I felt about all of it. I never really know how to answer that question. You spend your time dreading an upcoming appointment. You try to prepare mentally for bad news, put your faith in God and hope for good news. You want answers... even if you don't like them, at least it is something.

I realized later that I expected this to play out in one of two ways. Either I would go, my doctor would tell me I was crazy. I'd be mortified, then I'd just stop being crazy and feel better.

Or, I'd go, she would listen patiently say, "Oh yes, I know exactly what is wrong with you," give me one dose of the miracle drug for what ails you, and I'd feel all better.

As is normally the case it did not go as expected. I should be use to this by now. I do not live in the 7 bedroom 10,000 square foot home I have dreamed up, drawn up, and expected to live in by now. I am not a world famous published author and I have not put on an extra 7 inches of height... nor do I have boobs. But I continued to hope!

The other way I was afraid it may go was that I would leave with nothing being done to look into what is wrong and I'd just be stuck with no hope for answers. This is not what happened either. My ever patient and thorough doctor is right on top of it, as she always is. Not one thing she mentioned was something you just get over. But some are worse than others. So there is hope. God is bigger than all of them so there is GREAT hope, and peace! So I suppose that is how I feel. Grateful to be moving forward to find answers. Hopeful for the lesser of all the evils. Prayerful that God chooses to intervene and heal, and thankful for the ways He will work in my life through it ALL!

On a great note I also was scheduled to see the Cardiologist today. He was not overly concerned about the murmur that seems to be getting more and more predominant (but did not alarm him). He reexplained the heart defect and said it was nothing to be concerned about! He scheduled an Echocardiogram, which I was due for, but does not expect anything significant to show up! This was all GREAT news!!! And a nice way to wrap up the day.

Actually my mom making dinner for us and not having to feed my crew myself was a VERY nice way to wrap up the day! (thanks mom!)

Oh, and in the middle of all of this I found out I had received a blog award from a fellow blogger. (who's blog I just so happen to love and visit often, and you should to!) Becky at Time Out: Devotions For Moms now that was cool!

P.S. I LOVE comments! Please don't be shy!

Linking here today: Time-Warp Wife and Mercy Ink

3 comments:

  1. This situation must have put a lot of stress on you! I'm sorry you don't have a concrete answer...but at least we know THE Answer! Sounds like you are resting in the palm of His hand. Keep us updates, and YAY! for the good cardiologist report.
    Love,
    Ginny

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  2. Sarah, each time I read your blog I am amazed... my little girl has grown into a faith filled, talented, woman. I am so honored to call you my little girl (yes I know I just called you a woman but in my mind...)
    Todays entry brought tears to my eyes and laughter to my mouth almost simultaneously.
    Of course my prayer is for an answer along with His healing touch that sets you free of all of this and lets you get back to your crazy life as you knew it before this journey began.
    You inspire me!! Love your biggest fan

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  3. I enjoyed your blog. Love the way you write. So glad to hear the good report on your heart and praying for answers with the rest of the tests. I know how hard it is to go with out answers and you are in pain. I have been walking the same thing but in a different way. I was beginning to think I was losing it. Have some answers but still in some pain and still have questions. I know that God is faithful and we both can trust Him. love you!!!!!!!
    Connie Fitzgerald

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Thanks for letting me here from you!