Monday, October 29, 2012

Rant Against The Machine

Had and MRI of my C-Spine (that’s fancy talk for neck) this morning. Though I was very calm about going in today, I did have one fear a few days ago that I had to discuss with my husband. Our conversation went something like this. 

Me: “I have always been afraid of getting an MRI because I have that permanent retainer that was bonded to the back of my bottom teeth when I got my braces off.”

Jarrod: “What does that matter?”

Me: “I can just see it, I just know that they are going to slide me in there, turn on the machine and ‘whack,’ my whole face will slam into the machine having been pulled in by the magnetized force.”

Jarrod: “I am pretty sure that is not going to happen.”

See this is why I discuss these personal fears with my husband, he always has a way of calming me down with his level headed reasoning. 

Me: “Really, you think it will be ok?”

Jarrod: “Of course, it’s not going to magnetize you face to the machine. The most it will do is rip the retainer out of your mouth taking your teeth with it.”

See, level headed reasoning! 

Also talking to the lady at registration a few days ago and being assured by her that it was fine to get an MRI with a permanent retainer in did a lot to calm any anxious feelings I might have had. She also asked if I was claustrophobic. I wasn’t sure if when you crawl under one of your kid’s beds and then fear that your head will not fit back through on the way out, counted... so I said no!

So today I went in without any (other) preconceived ideas. There was really very little to it, just a few observations from my experience. 

  1. Tying my own hospital gown takes a lot of concentration and would really be made easier if I had access to some go-go gadget arms. I tied the middle ribbons together. Used the contortionist skills I have acquired over the years to reach back and tie the top ribbons. Did a quick back check in the mirror and noticed the middle strings had come undone. Got those tied back nice and tight only to have the top come undone. I am pretty sure I spent more time on that gown than Diana Ross spent on all 4 of her super bowl half-time show costume changes.
  2. The MRI tech gave me padded headphones to muffle the noise of the machine. I was surprised when he told me I could choose some music to listen to during the scan. I settled on The Eagles and thought, “this is going to be nice. I’ll lay back and relax for 20 minutes and listen to one of my all time favorite bands.” Instead what I heard was, “Take it easy... CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG...Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen...DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET...She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls... CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG...” and so on, for 20 minutes. Was not relaxing!
  3. When a person is having an MRI done because one of their symptoms is muscle jerks, said person cannot be expected to “hold completely still” said person will experience 2,553 muscle jerks in 20 minutes.
  4. The best way to get me to need to clear my throat is to tell me not to clear my throat. 
  5. The best way to get me to swallow like I am chugging a gallon of milk is to tell me to try to swallow less.
  6. If I am going to lay still in a tunnel like contraption and feel like my skin is literally melting off my face from the heat of the light - I at least want to come out with a fake tan. 
Other than that, not so bad! 

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