Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Regretting My Regret

And A Link Up Party Below
A very quick update, because I said I would... I did my detox and I survived it. I was going to do a long one but did the shorter one instead (partially because my brother, the fitness instructor, didn't think I needed to do one in the first place) And just when I was about to give up sugar a friend shared an article with me, reminding me for the hundredth time how awful the diet cokes are that I drink a massive quantity of. I do not want to do more than one change at a time or I will not know what is helping and so I cut out aspartame instead of sugar. No I have not done this perfectly but I have cut way, way back.

This past week, I am so happy to say, I have felt fabulous (mostly) I do not think this is due to the cut back of nutrasweet only because I had a few days in a row, when I was finishing of the diet cokes I already had in my fridge, and I was still feeling fantastic. I am not sure why the change but I am kind of afraid to move. "What am I doing right? I want to be sure I continue to do it!" I am thoroughly enjoying the break from pain and fatigue, I love getting to feel productive! So there it is - a Praise the Lord update!!!

I heard a song today, an older song, that in particular reminds me of a friend I once had. He was killed a few years ago. When I heard this song I thought of him, and as I always do wondered - "Could I have done more, said more to lead him to a saving relationship with Jesus?" Sadly I know the answer already. I could have, I could have invested more, been more kind, said more, lived better...

I am filled with regret every time this guy comes to mind and I likely always will be. He is gone, my chance has passed and I do not know if he is in heaven or hell. 

Regret is something that seems to surround me these days. As I have sat nearly plastered to my couch or bed for nine months I regret that I did not push my kids on the swing more, played more games of hide and seek, gone on more hikes with them. Would I get another chance or would I likely live a life in pain and exhaustion? This week as I have felt better and had more energy I have been up and moving a lot more, getting much needed work done around the house. Would it surprise you to hear that my thoughts have often turned to, "Why did I not spend more time just sitting with my children, holding them? I could have done more writing, more studying of the bible..." And I regret that I may not have a good opportunity to do this. Oh I know how crazy that sounds, really I know! 

I don't want to spend my life looking back and wondering "what if". Partially because I want to be doing it right the first time - but since I know I can't do it right every time, I don't want to live bogged down. 

I asked my husband, Jarrod, what the biblical point of view was on regret in general. He had some wise answers, I knew he would. "God himself had regrets..." he reminded me of Genesis 6:6 And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. And He did something about it (read on). 

We talked about some major regrets that Jarrod has had, that he too can never recover. When he was in college in California, the Lord told him to go back to Texas for the summer. He did not go. At the end of that summer his younger brother died unexpectedly. There is great remorse here. Jarrod's last conversation with his mom, before she passed away, was abrupt because he had just gotten home from being out of town and away from me and wanted to get to spend some time with me. He was polite but kept it short. He had rushed home from her house in the first place because he had missed me and the kids. He'd go back and spend the day with her if he'd only known. 

These two stories, though similar, showed me two distinct differences. Sin, we can and should definitely regret. As Jarrod said, "not only regret but repent"! I should have been more Christlike to my friend, I should have tried with all my heart to lead him to the Lord because I am called to. (Mark 16:15) I didn't and there may have been tragic consequences. I sinned, I need to regretfully repent. And then it is over, I am forgiven (Psalm 32:5).

As far as Jarrod's last moments with his mom, my regrets about how I have managed my days (Obviously Jarrod's circumstance is much more grievous than mine)... I do not believe we can let them control our thoughts and weigh us down. How was Jarrod to know what would happen in just a few short days after arriving home from his trip? I believe all we can do is learn and move forward. This brings to mind a phrase that seems to be popping up everywhere. I tend to shy away from fads just because they are fads but since it so easily sums up what I want to do differently I will say it - Intentional Living. We can make the most out of the opportunities we are given. Have purpose for the things we are doing. Put aside the things that have no purpose (And that's the hard one for me). We cannot, should not think that we have the knowledge or insight, without God giving it to us, to live a life with no regrets. We mess up, we repent if it is called for, we learn, we move forward and we live with deliberate purpose to our days, our moments! 

Now I am going to go read the bible to my kids, and I won't regret that! :) 

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