Sunday, March 10, 2013

Solo, Alone, All By Myself, Unaccompanied...

I had two people unsubscribe from my blog in two weeks. UNSUBSCRIBE! I'm no social media expert, but I am pretty sure that is going in the opposite direction of what one is aiming for. I realize things have been a little intense around here lately... I told somebody the other day, I think I am slowly tiptoeing out of my slump. Maybe a little of my old spunk is returning! :)

On that note I thought I'd tell you a little bit about my, get this, SOLO trip to the grocery store this evening. Here are a few of the things I discovered...

  • When I pass a mother with a cart full of children spilling out of every side and they are loud and whining, and the mother looks a little like one of the cast members of the walking dead - I find I want nothing more than to grab hold of the mom's arm, give her a soothing hug and tell her, "I feel your pain. In fact I looked just like you the day before. There is a reason I am at the store all by myself this evening." Then I want to point her in the direction of the wine and spirits aisle and tell her, "this too shall pass!"
  • Then there are those carts, with just the one child that I have been listening to from four aisles over. That cart I want to run past with my eyes closed, hands over my ears, yelling, "nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh!" 
  • There is the occasional child I see running past me, father jogging clumsily behind, panting and slurring incoherent demands in the direction of the the mischievous juvenile. And for some reason I always get an overwhelming urge to stretch my legs at just that moment. And if for some reason a young lad comes to a crashing halt at my feet at that particular instance it would purely be a coincidence. 
  • Men really should not help their wives shop for clothing. I heard the following conversation between a cute couple looking at scrubs. We'll call them Max and Mary. 
Max: "Are you sure you can't wear an extra large?"
 Mary: "No!" 
 Max: "But you can just pull the draw string really tight."
 Mary: "No I wear an extra small!"
 Max: "But wouldn't that be really cool?"
 Mary: Audible rolling of the eyes. Seriously you could hear them rolling all the way back!
  • I should not be allowed to shop alone, unless I plan on getting a part time job. 
  • Somehow it takes me twice as long to shop alone as it takes Jarrod to shop with four children! Why is that?
  • Going to the grocery store sans children does not necessarily mean peace and quiet without any tattling. Near the end of my trip I got a text from my oldest that said, "Hannah just told me I was ugly and stupid."Now you tell me, how am I suppose to deal with a three year old Hannah via text? And If I could, could I really do a better job than their father who was actually at home with them at the time? 
  • According to my grocery cart I have excellent intentions for a week of healthy eating. 
  • I may have, in reality, just spent $125 on weight lifting materials for our garbage man this week... we shall see!

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