Thursday, March 27, 2014

Throw Back Thursday, The Touch

Here is a throw back, from way, way back! This is the first thing I remember writing beyond a couple of classroom assignments from my public school days (2nd-5th) and an end of the school year poem. (maybe I'll share that silly treasure someday) 

Long before nights of lying awake worrying about one of my kids, before sleepless nights worrying about finances, before the oh so disconcerting moments of being startled awake by a tiny little face mere inches from my own whispering, "mommy". I woke up in the middle of the night with these words that would not go away. I gave in and wrote them down and went back to sleep. (the first of many nights of words break dancing in my head until I shut it down with a pen and paper) 

Thank you to the gracious judges from my junior year student convention for finding something redeeming in this poorly written, extremely juvenile piece and finding it worthy of first place. 

Thank you to my dad for listening quietly as I read you my first of many many writings and being kind enough to look impressed and utter, "WOW!" 

Thank you to my sister who listened and directed and redirected for hours on end to get this monologue competition ready. 

If you dare read on I assure you, it is certainly lacking. But my first unsolicited writing will always be dear to my heart! 


Here it is
The Touch:

I was sitting on a ledge one day, looking out at the ocean. It was so wonderful to be away from everything and everyone, and be able to sit there and feel sorry for myself. 

In the time I had been sitting there, it had begun to grow dark. Then suddenly, I saw a small shadow from behind. Turning, I saw nothing. Then looking a little harder I saw what looked like the outline of a mouth, it seemed to be smiling. Feeling very strange for imagining such a thing, I turned back around to stare out at the ocean. 

I began to think of all the loneliness I had felt for so many years, and how, even since I was a small child, everyone, friends, family, grandparents, everyone I had ever loved had left me. Voices echoed through my head, "I know you don't want me to go, but I just can't stay here with your father, not right now anyway. I'll be back for you someday." 

"Yea, someday. Thanks for coming back mom. You know you didn't even show up for daddy's funeral" 

Then there was grandma right before she died saying, "Do not forget, He will always be there, right behind you." 

Obviously the woman was losing it; she was always talking about her precious Father in heaven. Well the only faher I had ever known left me when I was eleven years old, after he had promised me as I sat so faithfully at his bedside that there would always be someone right beside me. Well he was wrong! After Grandma died there was no one beside or behind me. I was alone! 

I started crying then and through my tears I saw the shadow again. I turned, and saw the smile, and then I saw ears that seemed to be listening to my cry. I felt ashamed, had I been longing for some one to jus sit and listen to me for so long that I was imagining such strange things? Trying to reject anymore of my crazy thoughts, I turned once again to the ocean, and once again let my mind be filled with my sad memories. 

At that moment a wind began to blow, I shivered, not only from the cool breeze, but this breeze almost felt like a hand reaching out to rest on my shoulder. Whatever this strange feeling was, it made me feel very different. I could not exactly distinguish the feeling; it was unlike any other I had ever felt. 

Then the shadow crept up, only this time closer. However, rather than making me feel cooler in this night breeze the shadow filled me with warmth, and as I once again turned to see this figure standing behind me, I saw the same mouth and ears, and I realized, this must be the hand of a man on me! 

Finally! Feeling all the love and comfort I had so longed for that I knew would never go away, I began to fall in love. How could I not? With that smile not like the usual mocking smile I had grown accustomed to, but a strong and reassuring smile. Those ears, that didn't just listen, waiting to hear me mess up, but listening to my hearts cry. There was more, eyes that burned with fire, looking into my eyes and searching my soul, rather than my outward appearance. No, how could I not love a man with such strong and wonderful features? And I hadn't even begun to see his face. 


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2 comments:

  1. just as touching now as it was then!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have received the Sunflower award!
    http://mylife4god-aldonae95.blogspot.com/2014/05/sunflower-award.html

    ReplyDelete

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