Tuesday, June 10, 2014

The Business of Being a Grown Up

I was THAT mom today. I try really hard not to be that mom but, I totally went there. My girl wanted something and so I did what I could to get it for her.

Fooey on the system, forget about proper channels and hierarchy... ok, just kidding it wasn't that bad.

But really, I am a rule follower. I am a "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" kind of person. I am trying to teach my kids to be the same way.

When they are not quite old enough to be involved in something I do not ask somebody to bend the rules and make an exception. I tell my kid to wait another year or two. If they do not get the prize they wanted we don't go back and ask for something different. We try to find a way to enjoy what we have.

That is life in the real world. The real world is what I am preparing my children for.

My husband and I have purposed to do something since before the day our oldest was born more than  9 years ago - to raise our children NOW to be the kind of people they should be when they are grown. To start that process early on.

Yes, they get to be children - dirty, silly, loud, and crazy children. Just ask their grandparents, ask our neighbors, ask the poor gentleman that checks us out at Wal Mart after two hours of being confined to a plastic seat.

But we don't want kids so sheltered that they are not prepared to function in this big messy world that, let's face it isn't always fair!

This morning all of that was set aside. At church no less.

My kids have begun the first in a series of several Vacation Bible Schools this summer. Yesterday was day one. My oldest, sweet 9 year old Elyse, had a blast as always with one big hiccup. She was in a class full of strangers watching all of her friends galavant off together in a separate group. All because I fell in love with Jarrod Brooks instead of John Smith.

Somehow my daughter is attracted to friends who's last name begins with letters in the second half of the alphabet. This happened last year. All of the P's and S's and T's were in one group while Elyse was with the loser B's and D's. Ok, maybe not losers. But strangers. And like always, last year I told her what a great opportunity it was to make new friends. See, what a good mom I am? Using every opportunity as a teaching moment. (I can hear my former foster kids barfing somewhere as I type that).

Yesterday my heart squeezed a little, no a whole lot, as she ran down the list of friends she saw... in the distance at VBS.

It has been a very tough few months for my dear girl. She, like her mommy, does not make friends quickly. She is loyal and faithful like her daddy, almost to a fault. One close friend is all she needs and she had it for one glorious year. That friendship ended several months ago, leaving Elyse shocked, confused, hurt. She has tried making new friends, tried moving on. But she loves to give people the benefit of the doubt and has, over and over again the past few months, set herself up for hurt on top of hurt in this friendship.

Honestly you guys, I could not bare another moment of disappointment for my girl. I told her yesterday that I would see about switching her to the other group. It was out of my mouth and in her cute little ears before I had time to think about it.

I hate, loath, despise, abhor confrontation of any kind. I do not like the idea of hurting somebody's feelings even just a little bit. Or worse, them having even a fleeting bad thought about me!

This, I am embarrassed to say, took prayer and a bit of private inner coaching. I didn't even know who I was supposed to talk to about moving Elyse to another group. I was afraid they would say no. I had visions of being laughed out of the church - because I am neurotic that way. {if you people only knew the things that go through my head most moments of most days...}

But I did it!!!!! (Go me, go me, I'm a rock star, I'm a super mom!) The teacher seemed a little hurt. I am pretty sure she too thought, "Oh goody, you're THAT mom!" And for 1.5 seconds I wanted to hang my head and say, "yes, yes I am" to apologize and tell her she could keep my daughter in her class.
(Yes, all of that in 1.5 seconds. I'm a fast thinker.)

But you know what? This business of being a grown up is hard! There are some upsides. So far the biggest one my kids and I have come up with is, you get to eat candy whenever you want!!! Like WHENEVER you want!!!!

But most of the time it is hard. You do have to be the grown up. You do have to yield to others, do for others...

I want my kids to be amazing grownups. I have no doubt they will be. But grown up time is a very long time and it comes up pretty quick. There is no turning back. So from time to time I will let my kids have a kid moment. To enjoy one of the perks.

I am that grown up now, who can put aside fears. Who can, whenever the need arises, NOT care if somebody else thinks I am doing a poor job, not doing the right thing. Because I know my kids better than anybody else. If three days of fun with friends is going to ruin my daughter for the future... then I have MUCH bigger problems!

I am going to do my job, the very best I can, and sometimes that means, I'll be the grown up, you be the kid and we will take those jobs for ALL THEY ARE WORTH!

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4 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Alana!! My knees have even stopped trembling now! ;)

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  2. good for you, sometimes you have to bite the bullet and go to bat for your children. There is a time for that - sounds like this was one. Proud of you!

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